| Does the DMV (Department of Motor Vehicles) hire | | | | date. Where we would go was a tossup between a |
| extras just to make the place look busy?They say | | | | trendy upper East Side night spot for young singles |
| that living to a ripe old age is a blessing. But when | | | | and a downtown senior citizen's ball, depending on |
| you do it while standing on line at the DMV, you | | | | when we got out.By now our line had gotten shorter |
| begin to see things from an entirely different | | | | by twenty-three people. Eight had renewed their |
| perspective. Suddenly, the expression "something to | | | | licenses, four were on the wrong line, three were in |
| look forward to" can mean something as mundane as | | | | the wrong country, six died of natural causes, and |
| seeing a DMV employee get back from lunch to take | | | | one asked for political asylum.One guy, who wasn't |
| care of huge line. And the emotional impact of the | | | | too familiar with our language or customs, thought he |
| simple word "next" can bring tears of joy trickling | | | | was being picked out of a lineup when the woman |
| down your cheeks -- you'd think it was written by | | | | behind the window looked at him and yelled "Next!" |
| the poet Yusef Komunyakaa.Probably the most | | | | He confessed to two burglaries and a subway |
| frightening phrase you can hear at the DMV is, "It's a | | | | turnstile jumping. The man now works for the DMV, |
| clerical error." This phrase can mean almost any | | | | sort of -- he makes license plates at an upstate |
| imaginable horrible thing you can conjure up. It can | | | | correctional facility.When I finally reached the window, |
| mean that you'll have to come back and waste | | | | the woman asked to see two forms of identification. |
| another day. It can mean that you'll have to retake | | | | I showed her a major credit card and a picture ID. |
| the road test you already passed because your | | | | Taking a quick look at the picture, she said, "This |
| records have been misplaced. Or it can mean that | | | | doesn't look like you."I said, "It did when I arrived. I |
| due to a misspelling of your name, you're now on the | | | | was younger then."She pointed to an eye chart and |
| FBI's most wanted list. And it's not even proper | | | | asked, "Can you read the bottom line?"I said, "Can I |
| decorum to get angry about such things. You see, it's | | | | read it? I know the guy. He works for a Greek car |
| not really their fault -- making errors is part of the | | | | service on my block."Upon my passing the eye exam, |
| system.But things at the DMV have improved | | | | she stamped my forms, saying, "Your license will be |
| somewhat over the years. On some "lines," instead | | | | good for four years." Then, gleefully pointing to a |
| of standing for hours, as was the case in years gone | | | | long cashier's line, she added, "You can pay at the |
| by, you now take a number, sit down on a bench | | | | cashier.""Four years from when?" I asked. "From |
| and watch a large electronic board with a confusing | | | | when I get on the line or from when get off the |
| array of numbers. Every now and then, someone | | | | line?" If looks could kill, the look she gave me could've |
| yells "Bingo!"Having spent my share of time at the | | | | killed a Brontosaurus the size of a DMV backlog.On |
| DMV, I've found that in addition to spending about | | | | the cashier's line I wound up near a guy listening to a |
| seventy percent of your time waiting on lines, you | | | | small radio. After two hours of eavesdropping on |
| spend about ten percent looking for the right line and | | | | news reports and financial updates, I found out that |
| about fifteen percent taking directions from security | | | | in the time I'd been waiting on this line, the dollar had |
| personnel who couldn't give you clear enough | | | | devaluated by about four percent on the Japanese |
| directions to find the ocean on a cruise ship.My first | | | | market, our national debt had risen by about six |
| line, on one particular occasion, was the "picture" line. | | | | percent, and my patients was wearing thinner by |
| That's where everyone "fixes up" and smiles for a | | | | about eighteen percent.By the time I reached the |
| picture that'll never be seen by anyone except cops. | | | | cashier's window, I had a pretty solid understanding |
| And these pictures never come out right. Anyone | | | | of how the world financial markets operate -- but I |
| who actually looks like the picture on his or her | | | | still hadn't the foggiest clue as to how the DMV does. |
| driver's license is too ill to drive.My next line was so | | | | Is the DMV's system designed to make the place |
| crowded, one guy fainted. But no one noticed it | | | | look busy? Is it crowded because they have no |
| because he couldn't fall down till six people got | | | | system? Or is the DMV just a stepping stone for |
| off.After several hours of ruffling my forms so they | | | | moving up to a better career; like, if you work really |
| wouldn't get moldy before I reached the window, I | | | | slow here you can eventually move up to becoming |
| met Cindy, who had just moved from bench six to | | | | a postal employee.Cindy and I were reunited outside |
| bench seven because bench six was being | | | | and shared a cab. I asked the cabbie to step on it. |
| radiocarbon tested by scientists to see what's the | | | | Cindy asked what the rush was. I said, "No rush, I'd |
| longest anyone ever sat on it.We found out we had | | | | just forgotten what 'fast' looked like."Growing Old At |
| a lot in common. Our licenses expired in the same | | | | The DMV |
| month. At one point in our lives, we both received | | | | from shopndrop.comJosh Greenberger: A computer |
| collection notices for summonses we never received. | | | | consultant for over two decades, the author has |
| And at our last visit to the DMV, both of our faces | | | | developed software for such organizations as NASA's |
| appeared on milk containers by the time we got | | | | Goddard Institute of Space Studies, AT&T, Charles |
| out.She showed me pictures of her pets. They were | | | | Schwab, Bell Laboratories and Chase Manhattan Bank. |
| the most adorable little puppies I'd ever seen. Not | | | | Since 1984, the author's literary works have |
| having pets or kids of my own, I showed her | | | | appeared in such periodicals as The New York Post, |
| pictures of my last collision. She was impressed. She | | | | The Daily News, The Village Voice, The Jewish Press, |
| said it took a lot of talent to twist a fender into the | | | | and others. His articles have ranged from humor to |
| shape of the Big Dipper at only three miles per hour. | | | | scientific to topical events. Visit his site |
| And I'm not even an astronomer.As time wore on, | | | | ==>shopndrop. |
| we hit it off so well, we made plans to go out on a | | | | |