| Does the DMV (Department of Motor Vehicles) | | | | Where we would go was a tossup between a |
| hire extras just to make the place look | | | | trendy upper East Side night spot for young |
| busy?They say that living to a ripe old age | | | | singles and a downtown senior citizen's ball, |
| is a blessing. But when you do it while | | | | depending on when we got out.By now our line |
| standing on line at the DMV, you begin to see | | | | had gotten shorter by twenty-three people. |
| things from an entirely different | | | | Eight had renewed their licenses, four were |
| perspective. Suddenly, the expression | | | | on the wrong line, three were in the wrong |
| "something to look forward to" can mean | | | | country, six died of natural causes, and one |
| something as mundane as seeing a DMV employee | | | | asked for political asylum.One guy, who |
| get back from lunch to take care of huge | | | | wasn't too familiar with our language or |
| line. And the emotional impact of the simple | | | | customs, thought he was being picked out of a |
| word "next" can bring tears of joy trickling | | | | lineup when the woman behind the window |
| down your cheeks -- you'd think it was | | | | looked at him and yelled "Next!" He confessed |
| written by the poet Yusef Komunyakaa.Probably | | | | to two burglaries and a subway turnstile |
| the most frightening phrase you can hear at | | | | jumping. The man now works for the DMV, sort |
| the DMV is, "It's a clerical error." This | | | | of -- he makes license plates at an upstate |
| phrase can mean almost any imaginable | | | | correctional facility.When I finally reached |
| horrible thing you can conjure up. It can | | | | the window, the woman asked to see two forms |
| mean that you'll have to come back and waste | | | | of identification. I showed her a major |
| another day. It can mean that you'll have to | | | | credit card and a picture ID. Taking a quick |
| retake the road test you already passed | | | | look at the picture, she said, "This doesn't |
| because your records have been misplaced. Or | | | | look like you."I said, "It did when I |
| it can mean that due to a misspelling of your | | | | arrived. I was younger then."She pointed to |
| name, you're now on the FBI's most wanted | | | | an eye chart and asked, "Can you read the |
| list. And it's not even proper decorum to get | | | | bottom line?"I said, "Can I read it? I know |
| angry about such things. You see, it's not | | | | the guy. He works for a Greek car service on |
| really their fault -- making errors is part | | | | my block."Upon my passing the eye exam, she |
| of the system.But things at the DMV have | | | | stamped my forms, saying, "Your license will |
| improved somewhat over the years. On some | | | | be good for four years." Then, gleefully |
| "lines," instead of standing for hours, as | | | | pointing to a long cashier's line, she added, |
| was the case in years gone by, you now take a | | | | "You can pay at the cashier.""Four years from |
| number, sit down on a bench and watch a large | | | | when?" I asked. "From when I get on the line |
| electronic board with a confusing array of | | | | or from when get off the line?" If looks |
| numbers. Every now and then, someone yells | | | | could kill, the look she gave me could've |
| "Bingo!"Having spent my share of time at the | | | | killed a Brontosaurus the size of a DMV |
| DMV, I've found that in addition to spending | | | | backlog.On the cashier's line I wound up near |
| about seventy percent of your time waiting on | | | | a guy listening to a small radio. After two |
| lines, you spend about ten percent looking | | | | hours of eavesdropping on news reports and |
| for the right line and about fifteen percent | | | | financial updates, I found out that in the |
| taking directions from security personnel who | | | | time I'd been waiting on this line, the |
| couldn't give you clear enough directions to | | | | dollar had devaluated by about four percent |
| find the ocean on a cruise ship.My first | | | | on the Japanese market, our national debt had |
| line, on one particular occasion, was the | | | | risen by about six percent, and my patients |
| "picture" line. That's where everyone "fixes | | | | was wearing thinner by about eighteen |
| up" and smiles for a picture that'll never be | | | | percent.By the time I reached the cashier's |
| seen by anyone except cops. And these | | | | window, I had a pretty solid understanding of |
| pictures never come out right. Anyone who | | | | how the world financial markets operate -- |
| actually looks like the picture on his or her | | | | but I still hadn't the foggiest clue as to |
| driver's license is too ill to drive.My next | | | | how the DMV does. Is the DMV's system |
| line was so crowded, one guy fainted. But no | | | | designed to make the place look busy? Is it |
| one noticed it because he couldn't fall down | | | | crowded because they have no system? Or is |
| till six people got off.After several hours | | | | the DMV just a stepping stone for moving up |
| of ruffling my forms so they wouldn't get | | | | to a better career; like, if you work really |
| moldy before I reached the window, I met | | | | slow here you can eventually move up to |
| Cindy, who had just moved from bench six to | | | | becoming a postal employee.Cindy and I were |
| bench seven because bench six was being | | | | reunited outside and shared a cab. I asked |
| radiocarbon tested by scientists to see | | | | the cabbie to step on it. Cindy asked what |
| what's the longest anyone ever sat on it.We | | | | the rush was. I said, "No rush, I'd just |
| found out we had a lot in common. Our | | | | forgotten what 'fast' looked like."Growing |
| licenses expired in the same month. At one | | | | Old At The DMV |
| point in our lives, we both received | | | | |
| collection notices for summonses we never | | | | from shopndrop.comJosh Greenberger: A |
| received. And at our last visit to the DMV, | | | | computer consultant for over two decades, the |
| both of our faces appeared on milk containers | | | | author has developed software for such |
| by the time we got out.She showed me pictures | | | | organizations as NASA's Goddard Institute of |
| of her pets. They were the most adorable | | | | Space Studies, AT&T, Charles Schwab, Bell |
| little puppies I'd ever seen. Not having pets | | | | Laboratories and Chase Manhattan Bank. Since |
| or kids of my own, I showed her pictures of | | | | 1984, the author's literary works have |
| my last collision. She was impressed. She | | | | appeared in such periodicals as The New York |
| said it took a lot of talent to twist a | | | | Post, The Daily News, The Village Voice, The |
| fender into the shape of the Big Dipper at | | | | Jewish Press, and others. His articles have |
| only three miles per hour. And I'm not even | | | | ranged from humor to scientific to topical |
| an astronomer.As time wore on, we hit it off | | | | events. Visit his site ==>shopndrop. |
| so well, we made plans to go out on a date. | | | | |